jen bellefleur posted a beautiful photo and commentary to which i replied. As i was reading her message to me i had the thought that some of the darkness and edgyness i want to get in my photos, and maybe the lonliness and futility i want to see in life around me, and the hopelessness i look for, and look at, and experience in human existensystems may be a result of my shitty relationship with one of my daughters, who never talks to me, who is mad at the way her life turned out, who blames me for it. maybe jen's photo opened a possibility that the darkness i obviously feel and try to photograph constantly somehow comes from that feeling i have of failure, or of life as useless, or of youth as stupidity, or of love as scarce, love as valuable because it's scarce, love as scarce because it's valuable and not abundant. and i look out in the world and i see all the not-love, the not-happiness, the not-pleasure, the not-successful, the not-joy, the not-wellness. the relationship i have with my daughter is such a deadend, that jen's photo just opened these wounds a little deeper and a little more bitterness dripped inside the open cuts. i dont know whether to thank her, or slap her. Nico doesnt think my photography has anything to do with my relationship with my daughter and she's probably right; but it makes a good story.
the photos in this collection as in others like it were taken with a camera phone.
the photos in this collection as in others like it were taken with a camera phone.
